Unspoken Words.
I don't know how to explain this feeling inside. My heart is in my throat and my stomach in knots. I've done something, I know it, but he says I've done nothing. If that were true, he wouldn't be so tense, he wouldn't slip inside himself. He wouldn't distance himself from everything, would he?
But then, he wouldn't lie to me either, would he? I want to believe his words are true but something is off. I can see it in his eyes, feel it in his muscles and sense it in his aura. I know better than to push for answers, push for him to speak to me, but it's making me sick.
Perhaps it's nothing I've done, after all. Perhaps he's just realized my deepest fear. Could it be that he no longer wishes to marry me? That he no longer wishes to be by my side? He would tell me if that were the case, I would hope. I do hope he doesn't feel like he's obligated to be with me after everything.
I would never want him to be with me if it caused him any unhappiness, if it was a burden. I want him to be with me because he wants to, because he loves me as much as I love him. I'm no fool and I know love alone is not enough to keep a relationship growing, thriving, but certainly it should help, should it not?
I will give him his space for the next while. Hunt on my own, dine on my own. Perhaps I'll return to Ta'Vaalor and stay in the chalet. I'm hoping all he needs is time to sort through everything on his own and he'll return to me with the light he once held. I don't know how else to help him but, perhaps, this isn't something I can help with. I am out of my element here and floundering, at best.
I can't let him see it. I can't let him know. I am a Lady of Ta'Illistim. Noble born. Perfection is key. Perfection is the only thing that matters. I will fill the cracks that are beginning to show with fake smiles and laughter until they become true once more. I'll don my masks again and relax in the comfort they provide.
It's safer behind them. I should have known.
But then, he wouldn't lie to me either, would he? I want to believe his words are true but something is off. I can see it in his eyes, feel it in his muscles and sense it in his aura. I know better than to push for answers, push for him to speak to me, but it's making me sick.
Perhaps it's nothing I've done, after all. Perhaps he's just realized my deepest fear. Could it be that he no longer wishes to marry me? That he no longer wishes to be by my side? He would tell me if that were the case, I would hope. I do hope he doesn't feel like he's obligated to be with me after everything.
I would never want him to be with me if it caused him any unhappiness, if it was a burden. I want him to be with me because he wants to, because he loves me as much as I love him. I'm no fool and I know love alone is not enough to keep a relationship growing, thriving, but certainly it should help, should it not?
I will give him his space for the next while. Hunt on my own, dine on my own. Perhaps I'll return to Ta'Vaalor and stay in the chalet. I'm hoping all he needs is time to sort through everything on his own and he'll return to me with the light he once held. I don't know how else to help him but, perhaps, this isn't something I can help with. I am out of my element here and floundering, at best.
I can't let him see it. I can't let him know. I am a Lady of Ta'Illistim. Noble born. Perfection is key. Perfection is the only thing that matters. I will fill the cracks that are beginning to show with fake smiles and laughter until they become true once more. I'll don my masks again and relax in the comfort they provide.
It's safer behind them. I should have known.
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