Our Story (Part Three)
I couldn’t find fault
in you for being engaged. What sort of
person would I be if I did? I was to
blame for the pain I felt and I knew this.
Sometimes, I think, we make our own heartbreak through our expectations,
our wants, and that’s what happened. You
moved forward and it was time I did the same.
Following Luukos’ instructions, I changed my profession, starting fresh
as an empath. I didn’t understand at the
time why he’d wanted the change but I listened, unquestioningly. I returned home to my father and was greeted
with disgust and hostility but it was expected.
He laughed in my face, his arrogance overwhelming, his hatred warming
the blood in my veins but I said nothing, I did nothing.
I was permitted to stay there but I had conditions to follow and, although they were cruel, I listened as I always had. Rarely was I allowed to be noticed and, when I was, I wasn’t allowed to speak unless spoken to. The chateau had to be spotless at all times and, even though we had maids, I had to help. I had to be perfect always. The scars on my back are from the times I didn’t listen or I didn’t live up to his expectations. I often wonder why he allowed me to stay there at all. It’s no secret that my father can’t stand me. If he could have me killed, with no suspicion drawn to him, I’m sure he would.
I was bounced between my two eldest brothers and my father. My sister-in-laws saw as me as nothing but a burden. I was a disgrace to them. More than once they brought up my coloring, said my mother had an affair and that’s why I look nothing like everyone else. They would hit me as well but it hurt less than my brothers. Through it all, I remained the obedient, silent woman I was groomed to be. It was the only way, they’d said, that I’d find a husband. It was imperative that I find one, you see, because then they could be rid of me. So desperate was my father that he’d arranged a marriage between a dwarf and I.
Through all of this, Iowen was my saving grace. She’d speak to me, sending whispers on the wind and I’d reply by sending messages with my owl. She kept me sane when I would have lost my sensibilities. We spoke of the weather and her love life, of the gossip in the Courts and the battles being fought in both the East and West. She always found ways to slip in tiny details about you, as well. She would casually mention that she saw you in the Square, that you’d been in Ta’Vaalor, helping with the invasions there. Most of all, she would tell me she was concerned. She was worried you weren’t being treated properly, that your smiles were hollow. At the time, I didn’t know what she wanted me to do. It was around the first time that you were in Ta’Vaalor that I felt a pulse from the chrism I’d gifted you.
I was surprised, to be honest, that you hadn’t used it yet but I was thankful that I had some connection to you still. I found the more I focused on it, the stronger the pulse became. Things seemed to happen quickly from there. Iowen told me that your engagement had fallen apart and that you were back in Ta’Illistim. I managed to sneak out one evening, in search of you, only to find you spending time with Lady Ancelim. She called you her love and I left before anyone noticed I was there. I’d felt a fool. I don’t know what I’d been expecting. I had hoped you’d be as happy to see me as I was you but there you were, with yet another woman.
I kept myself busy after that, working on my painting, my needlepoint, anything to try and keep my mind off you. I failed, miserably. I knew I would be unhappy married to the dwarf so, while everything else was happening, I contacted a man I knew in Ta’Nalfein with the details of situation and payment. Within a week, the dwarf was missing and the marriage was called off. Iowen whispered to me a few days later, worried because she hadn’t felt your presence, hadn’t noticed you about. I had dreamwalked for her, once before, and she asked me to dreamwalk to find you, to ensure you were alright. It took me two weeks before I reached my decision. Dreamwalking is a… personal thing, an invasion if both parties aren’t in agreement, so I was hesitant to do anything. My concern, however, eventually won. I sent Lumnea, my owl, to tell her I would.
That night, I prepared myself and went to find you. I’d never expected to find you half frozen in a snow covered land.
I was permitted to stay there but I had conditions to follow and, although they were cruel, I listened as I always had. Rarely was I allowed to be noticed and, when I was, I wasn’t allowed to speak unless spoken to. The chateau had to be spotless at all times and, even though we had maids, I had to help. I had to be perfect always. The scars on my back are from the times I didn’t listen or I didn’t live up to his expectations. I often wonder why he allowed me to stay there at all. It’s no secret that my father can’t stand me. If he could have me killed, with no suspicion drawn to him, I’m sure he would.
I was bounced between my two eldest brothers and my father. My sister-in-laws saw as me as nothing but a burden. I was a disgrace to them. More than once they brought up my coloring, said my mother had an affair and that’s why I look nothing like everyone else. They would hit me as well but it hurt less than my brothers. Through it all, I remained the obedient, silent woman I was groomed to be. It was the only way, they’d said, that I’d find a husband. It was imperative that I find one, you see, because then they could be rid of me. So desperate was my father that he’d arranged a marriage between a dwarf and I.
Through all of this, Iowen was my saving grace. She’d speak to me, sending whispers on the wind and I’d reply by sending messages with my owl. She kept me sane when I would have lost my sensibilities. We spoke of the weather and her love life, of the gossip in the Courts and the battles being fought in both the East and West. She always found ways to slip in tiny details about you, as well. She would casually mention that she saw you in the Square, that you’d been in Ta’Vaalor, helping with the invasions there. Most of all, she would tell me she was concerned. She was worried you weren’t being treated properly, that your smiles were hollow. At the time, I didn’t know what she wanted me to do. It was around the first time that you were in Ta’Vaalor that I felt a pulse from the chrism I’d gifted you.
I was surprised, to be honest, that you hadn’t used it yet but I was thankful that I had some connection to you still. I found the more I focused on it, the stronger the pulse became. Things seemed to happen quickly from there. Iowen told me that your engagement had fallen apart and that you were back in Ta’Illistim. I managed to sneak out one evening, in search of you, only to find you spending time with Lady Ancelim. She called you her love and I left before anyone noticed I was there. I’d felt a fool. I don’t know what I’d been expecting. I had hoped you’d be as happy to see me as I was you but there you were, with yet another woman.
I kept myself busy after that, working on my painting, my needlepoint, anything to try and keep my mind off you. I failed, miserably. I knew I would be unhappy married to the dwarf so, while everything else was happening, I contacted a man I knew in Ta’Nalfein with the details of situation and payment. Within a week, the dwarf was missing and the marriage was called off. Iowen whispered to me a few days later, worried because she hadn’t felt your presence, hadn’t noticed you about. I had dreamwalked for her, once before, and she asked me to dreamwalk to find you, to ensure you were alright. It took me two weeks before I reached my decision. Dreamwalking is a… personal thing, an invasion if both parties aren’t in agreement, so I was hesitant to do anything. My concern, however, eventually won. I sent Lumnea, my owl, to tell her I would.
That night, I prepared myself and went to find you. I’d never expected to find you half frozen in a snow covered land.
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